One never really contemplates at what time in their life they will discover that they are going to become a grandparent; for me it was two days before my 49th birthday.
One never really contemplates how they will react when they discover that they are going to become a grandparent; for me it was shock.
One never really contemplates which of their three children will make them a grandparent for the first time; for me it is my 17 year old son.
And so, no, it's not conventional, and no it's not what I would wish for my 17 year old child, but once you go through all the thoughts and emotions, fears, concerns of yourself, your child AND the mother of the child, and the decision is made that there is going to be a baby in your life, you start to feel this little bubble of excitement; wrapped in fear, tied up with apprehension and sprinkled with a little bit of concern.
For the last three or four months, I have gone through every scenario in my head about the baby, what it will mean for my son, for his girlfriend, for the baby, for me, for my family. I have listened to my son's fears and concerns, worries and troubles, I have seen his girlfriend apprehensive, scared, and I have feared for what the future may hold for these two, soon-to-be-parents. I have cried for the new directions these two lives are now taking, cried that my Mum and Dad will not be here to see their first great grandchild, but never have I feared what my family and friends thought. I trusted that they would be there with love, not condemnation when the time came; and I was right. We have not had ONE negative comment apart from concern, but everyone has offered congratulations and support. I knew in my heart that this would be so, however I did make the decision that if anyone wanted to be judgemental, negative and thoughtless, then they would easily be removed from lives before they could make an impact.
'Let him without sin, cast the first stone' An oldie but a goodie and not a truer word written. Sure I wouldn't have wished this for any of my children, and by their very age, mistakes and errors and life lessons are made and they are exactly that. This is not a first choice, but my son and his girlfriend have handled this decision with an adult thought process. Sure there have been some rocky times, there are rocky times regardless of what age or stage of relationship you are in, but I know that my grandchild is going to be very lucky to have these two people as parents. And my older son, daughter and I are going to be around to make sure that all three a supported, we may not always agree, but we always love and support.
The turning point came when I accompanied both of them to the first ultrasound, I was very lucky to be included. The black, grey and white scene came onto the screen and I looked down at my son, it is not until you see your child's face, the first time they see their child for the first time, that you feel that something very special has happened. Of course I could tell at this 12 week scan, that this baby was highly intelligent, it waved to me, as if to say 'Hi Nanny' and did a little Ghangam Style squirm inside it's Mummy's tummy and there was a smile spreading across my son's face, filled with light and joy and contentment. THAT lightbulb moment when you realise this is for real, 'I'm going to be a Dad'
And so lately, today the decision was made to make the news public public. And I have been thinking over the last week or so, what kind of Nanny I am going to be. I know I am not going to be conventional, I know I am going to take my grandchild, ALL my grandchildren, on a life's journey that not all children will experience with their grandparents. We will go camping, singing in the rain, jump in puddles, make mud pies, cuddle up and read, go to the movies, the theatre, the zoo, the snow, we will swim together, look in rock pools for crabs and go fishing. We will cook together and bath together, we will talk together and listen to each other, we will lie in the grass and make pictures with the clouds, and sneak out at night and count the stars, but most of all we will love each other. I want my grandchild, all my grandchildren, to be proud of me and my achievements, learn from me that they can achieve anything they want to achieve, they just have to want, but most of all I want them to know that they are loved, loved unconditionally, by a sexy, crazy, out there Nanny who taught them the joy of living.
