GRAB MA' MACHETE

Oh Brother!

What a couple of weeks it has been, very difficult couple of weeks, drowning couple of weeks, stressed out couple of weeks, but still life has gone on.

For the time being renovations have finished and it is up to me to start the painting, gee doesn't that take some motivation????? But still needs to be done, so I need to get off my ass and start if I want it done before Christmas, which just happens to be at my place this year.

Had a few social occassions to fit in, including a weekend away with girl friends scrapbooking, attending the Cox Plate, which was good in it's self, but I didn't enjoy at all. Moonee Valley would have to be the worse venue I have ever been to; I mean come on, you are at the actual venue and you have to sit inside and watch the races on a big screen because you can't get outside? What is that about? It would be like going to the MCG and watching the Grand Final on a big screen tv inside the venue. WTF???? Also had a family 50th, a Postie Party and a couple of coffee dates catching up with friends.

Work.......well the work is a bit slow coming, not as fast as I would have liked or thought given the gushing of the agency girl, but I thank her because I have learnt not to believe the "Oh you won't stop working we have heaps of shifts to fill every day" speel that is cleary part of the script.  However I am working for the agency and I am on bank with a hospital and I do have another interview on Friday for a permanent part time position (so keep your fingers crossed) and another interview next Thursday for another hospital bank position.

Lots of other personal things going on that I won't go into, but making it difficult at times to focus, to relax, just wanting to put my head in the sand and my arse up, except I am sure someone will come along and like that vision and give me a good shalacking ;-).

And so that is why I have needed ma machete to try and cut through the vines that are slowly tightening their grip on me and wanting to take me up to some giant triffid looking plant, salivating at the thought of eating my juicy tender body. (Good imagery huh?)

48 IS NOT A LONG TIME

The day after, or the next day? Either or. Six of one, half a dozen of the other. 48, 47 and 364 days, 48 and 1 day.

I was not 48 for a long time because today I am 48 and 1 day.

Lots of mixed emotions yesterday, some silly, some not so silly, some justified and some well how can your feelings not be justified? They are after all your feelings, rightly or wrongly, they are your feelings. Feelings can be the make or break of a situations, a relationship, a life, an experience, feelings are up or down, happy or sad, make you laugh, make you cry, powerful powerful things that can change the way a life goes, where a journey starts or ends, where destination becomes the final thought or the begining of another.

How lovely it was to have so many people on FB acknowledge my birthday. Now some may say big deal people on FB acknowledging your birthday, a quick word because a reminder popped up,  but for me, and I may be wrong on this, but for me, this means that those that did send wishes, are real, active friends. They are not there for the numbers, I have achieved what I wanted to achieve with my FB page, remain in contact with people, comment on their lives, have them comment on my life, keep and make it real. I had over 70 comments, yes active friendships in otherwise busy lives, where perhaps the time and effort to post a card would be too much, but a thought to type a kind word, a birthday wish, is so easy to do now days, no less meaningful, no less heartfelt, and so much better on the environment.

Sometimes it is a reminder to me of the impact that I have had on other's lives. Most of you that know me, know me, I don't go around doing for others for what I will get back. I just do because I am a do-er. I can't stop myself at times, and sometimes I should to protect myself, to protect my feelings. However yesterday it reminded me of the impact that I have had on so many lives. I received lovely text messages and emails from people, people from my past asking me when they are going to see me again, people young enough to be my children, people old enough..............well doesn't matter lol. But all the wishes reminded me that I am valued, and enjoyed and wanted in others lives and sometimes we just need to be reminded of this.

So yesterday, on my 48th birthday I went to Ikea with two offspring and to get some baskets for their wardrobes so that a lot of the shit sitting on the floors of their bedrooms and packed in tubs in the hall way can be put away. We come back to a messy kitchen, not all his fault, he was after all installing a bulk head in the kitchen with plaster that does tend to get every where you don't want it to be. Daughter, and oldest son's girlfriend, set about cooking my birthday dinner and choose to cook a lamb roast, something neither of them has ever done before, and a home made apple pie. This day will always be an auspicious occassion just on that fact alone. The leg of lamb marianated in my daughter's own receipe of lemon juice, seeded mustard and honey, with loads and loads of garlic forced into the pierced holes was delicious and the apple pie for my birthday cake, not a bad attempt either. Youngest son did the dishes, oldest son, had set the table and fluffed around doing what he does best...........co-ordinating the others to get the job done and done well; such as taste testing to ensure none of us were poisoned. Tradie thought the meal attempt was pretty good and went back for seconds and Mum was pretty proud of daughter's attempts.

Sadness at those who were no longer there to share the day, thoughts of the other times they were there, the smiles, the laughter, the hugs. Tears welling and rolling down cheeks, heart sad with memories taken out on this occassion to ensure they are there in some capacity. Sadness at those who chose to no longer be there, or even remember the occassion, tears welling and rolling down cheeks, heart sad with memories taken out on this occassion and realising they aren't there in any capacity.

In two years I will be 50, wow, big statement, where will I be? Who will I be? We may just have to find out togethether.

A NEW BEGINING BEGINS

This is Betty Boop, she also happens to be a tattoo that I had done in the last two weeks, on my right shoulder. Why Betty Boop? Betty Boop pre dates Barbie, she is the original female multi tasker, you can find a picture of BB depicting any role in society, she is sexy, she is cute, she is brunette (like moi) with curls (like moi) and she has more womanly proportions than Babs (sorry she-with -the-perky-tits-so-unlike-real-women-of-today-Barbie).

Betty is me and I am Betty but how did this come about? Well about 18 months ago when I was still studying, I entered a pact with two other female students to have a BB tatt on our arses when we graduated. Two things happened; they didn't graduate and my arse probably shouldn't be on public display. I had always considered getting a tattoo, for me, to be naughty, a little out there, not who everyone expected me to be, however my father always told me that he would never speak to me if I got a tattoo, hence it took me three years after his passing to think that him talking to me again anyway wasn't really going to happen. (Laugh out loud to self) I was still in two minds about it, scared of the pain (hey having three natural births did not compare to the pain of getting a tattoo, anyone in their right mind knows that), until I told a friend about it. He asked me what I was going to get, I told him BB in a nurses uniform and he growled and said 'sexy', THAT gave me the encouragement I needed and so with the encouragement of two women in particular, both who I might add are quite younger than me, I made the booking. Yes I needed someone to hold my hand, she came and sat with me, encouraging me, not telling me at all that I was bleeding profusly incase I ran like a screaming banshee out of the studio with a half finished tatt and blood streaming down my back scaring the Melton community at large and the burley, bald tattoo artist, Zane from ever inking again. (Another laugh out loud to self)

And so, a tattoo, a new attitude, a strength, a courage, a closure to A Kink In Time, a begining as A Meander through the Jungle. Welcome, enjoy, learn, laugh, cry, listen, wonder, question and be, you never know, what you know, until you know.