I was not 48 for a long time because today I am 48 and 1 day.
Lots of mixed emotions yesterday, some silly, some not so silly, some justified and some well how can your feelings not be justified? They are after all your feelings, rightly or wrongly, they are your feelings. Feelings can be the make or break of a situations, a relationship, a life, an experience, feelings are up or down, happy or sad, make you laugh, make you cry, powerful powerful things that can change the way a life goes, where a journey starts or ends, where destination becomes the final thought or the begining of another.
How lovely it was to have so many people on FB acknowledge my birthday. Now some may say big deal people on FB acknowledging your birthday, a quick word because a reminder popped up, but for me, and I may be wrong on this, but for me, this means that those that did send wishes, are real, active friends. They are not there for the numbers, I have achieved what I wanted to achieve with my FB page, remain in contact with people, comment on their lives, have them comment on my life, keep and make it real. I had over 70 comments, yes active friendships in otherwise busy lives, where perhaps the time and effort to post a card would be too much, but a thought to type a kind word, a birthday wish, is so easy to do now days, no less meaningful, no less heartfelt, and so much better on the environment.
Sometimes it is a reminder to me of the impact that I have had on other's lives. Most of you that know me, know me, I don't go around doing for others for what I will get back. I just do because I am a do-er. I can't stop myself at times, and sometimes I should to protect myself, to protect my feelings. However yesterday it reminded me of the impact that I have had on so many lives. I received lovely text messages and emails from people, people from my past asking me when they are going to see me again, people young enough to be my children, people old enough..............well doesn't matter lol. But all the wishes reminded me that I am valued, and enjoyed and wanted in others lives and sometimes we just need to be reminded of this.
So yesterday, on my 48th birthday I went to Ikea with two offspring and to get some baskets for their wardrobes so that a lot of the shit sitting on the floors of their bedrooms and packed in tubs in the hall way can be put away. We come back to a messy kitchen, not all his fault, he was after all installing a bulk head in the kitchen with plaster that does tend to get every where you don't want it to be. Daughter, and oldest son's girlfriend, set about cooking my birthday dinner and choose to cook a lamb roast, something neither of them has ever done before, and a home made apple pie. This day will always be an auspicious occassion just on that fact alone. The leg of lamb marianated in my daughter's own receipe of lemon juice, seeded mustard and honey, with loads and loads of garlic forced into the pierced holes was delicious and the apple pie for my birthday cake, not a bad attempt either. Youngest son did the dishes, oldest son, had set the table and fluffed around doing what he does best...........co-ordinating the others to get the job done and done well; such as taste testing to ensure none of us were poisoned. Tradie thought the meal attempt was pretty good and went back for seconds and Mum was pretty proud of daughter's attempts.
Sadness at those who were no longer there to share the day, thoughts of the other times they were there, the smiles, the laughter, the hugs. Tears welling and rolling down cheeks, heart sad with memories taken out on this occassion to ensure they are there in some capacity. Sadness at those who chose to no longer be there, or even remember the occassion, tears welling and rolling down cheeks, heart sad with memories taken out on this occassion and realising they aren't there in any capacity.
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